It's been a while since I last blogged. It's not that I don't have anything or much to say, it's just that life is moving at a really fast pace and I am drowning in work. This year as a whole has been a huge learning year for me. I feel like I've grown and matured at a really fast and steady pace. Everyday I learn more and more about the craft that I am trying to perfect, I learn about myself, who I am, where I am going, who I want to be; and I am honestly loving every single moment.

I know that the year started in a very rough place, but I think that it's coming to an end with a very great note. Grad school is challenging, but I know that I can handle it. I had never really thought about how challenging memorization can be. Especially for a show, I need to know all my words and notes like they are a natural part of me. I really want to be the character, I want to be able to express every feeling, every thought, every point and every word just like my character would. I want to fully be him. This has proven to be a little challenging because I have so many other things on top of it and because early music is a bit foreign to me. But, I am working my ass off for it, and I am trying my best and I know that things will come together at the end.

This semester I have seen a huge change in me. I don't even know how to describe myself anymore. I feel like I am going through some sort of identity crisis, not only as a gay man, but as a person in general. I am not who I was four months ago. I am known as this happy, bubbly person. Most of my previous friends can attest to the fact that I was a depressed child, with mood swings, and that I was not really that happy. Lately I am happy and bubbly everyday and I love it. Some people don't believe me about the rough times, and who I really was before. I don't know if this new me is here to stay, I would really love it if it did. I don't want it to go, I am very scared of it leaving me. All I can do is enjoy the moment, and try to see the positive side to everything I do.

I am honestly loving this part of my life where I am growing up and realizing and exploring who I am meant to be, who I want to be and just plainly, who I am.

I am Brian Gonzalez, I boy with a lot of passion. I can be very dramatic at times, at the end of the day, dramatics will pay the bills some day, hopefully. I try to see the positive side to things, and not let a lot of my every day thoughts and insecurities bring me down. I am a powerful person, beautiful in the inside and out. I can do anything I set my mind to do, it just takes hard work, will power and a lot of passion and love for whatever I want to do. I know that I on right track towards happiness, I can feel it. I can honestly say that I am happy with who I am, and with the cards that life has dealt me. I can look back at the rough times in my life and see that because of them I am who I am today, they have made me stronger, have given me insight into who I am and into how the world works. I know that next time I am in a rough spot, my dramatic self will probably make it worst than it actually is, BUT after a day or a couple of hours I will be able to stand back and realize that things will get better, because so far things have worked themselves out, and it always ends up being for the best. I love myself and I love my life.