finally a dream come true

You saw me lying there
you came and kissed me
It was the best thing that ever happen

It made me happy
I wanted to yell it to the world
you finally loved me

You said you love me
I said I love you
everything was perfect

suddenly reality hit and I was woken up
It was all a dream
and now I dont know if i should cry
or If I should go jump off a bridge and die.

death of a wounded soul

many nights have I stayed up.
many nights you have said I love you.
You have shown me that you don't care
yet I know you do, or at least I think you do

You play with my heart, you torture my soul
you tell the world to kill me now
to leave me hanging
to leave no hope behind

my hope is dying
little by little the dim light vanishes
my soul dies, my heart bleeds
and my being slowly dies.

obsessions

this year i learned many things and one of the saddest things i learn is that hearts really do hurt. I had always heard the expression my heart hurts, or i am heartbroken, etc etc. but i never thought of it as a literal thing. I don't this is something that we should all go through but sadly i think is something that the majority of us will experience at some point or another. Today my heart is hurting, and I dont like it. I guess that after a while little things just set me off, specially after holding so many emotions in, and then randomly little things happen and things like this happen. Ill randomly get depressed, or start crying, or like today my heart will feel broken. The stupidest thing of it all is that the people that cause this dont even notice it, and if they do they are not aware that they caused it. But i guess that wouldn't change anything because i doubt they will change or they would care enough to do anything about it.

Obsessions

He has many obsessions
but they all tend to change as time passes
today it is lilly, tomorrow daisy
and the next week rose.

His obsessions seem a little faulty to me
very shallow at times
other times I just dont pay attention
but most of the time it hurts me.

He seems to go happily through life
but I know he is not
he is just as miserable as me
but he is too good at hiding it

His obsessions serve as a why to hide
a way to change his reality
his obssesion create a reality
one where he is happy

Why does it matter you ask?
well it matters to me,
it matters that all his friends have been one
except me.

good bye

good bye.
i am leaving forever
its time for me to go

i should say that it was fun while it lasted
but in reality it was not.
actually it was horrible

you made me a horrible person
you made my life so miserable
you made me be the worst that i could ever be

I lost many things while it lasted
the people i cared for left me
and others just gave up

yet you are still there, smiling
the whole world is at your feet
and those who left me, most not all, are there too

this whole suffering, i just can't bare it anymore
my heart aches, my soul scream
my eyes cry

I want to leave you behind
but you have chained my heart
and it cant be free

oh if those first words where true
if i could just leave and never come back
if i could just say good bye

but i cant.
will i ever be free?

still here

The leaves are falling once again
its been a year, and I am still here
nothing has change.

It seems like life takes its course,
things change, rotate, come back
and I am still in the same place

I imagined so many different things
and I now contemplate a different route
this road is taking me nowhere

The sun shines, the clouds move
rain pours, children laugh, people die
and I seem to just exist

The life that once seem full of hope
is now full of deception and pain
the bright light is now dim

the stars are falling once again
the moon bleeds, the sun darkens
life goes on, and I am still here.

perfect day

in this cold and windy day
i feel warm
your smile your expressions
all make it right

in my world the sun is shining full and bright
there is a nice breeze, the trees gently sway
you are there by my side
and we just lay and watch the clouds go by

floating

I try to stay afloat and I cant
day after day I am barely making it
when will I drown? I do not know

The water surrounds me and it betrays me
it embraces me, and I never know what to expect
as i float there all i can think of is how to keep floating

the funny thing is that the shore is a few feet away
but I still stay there and I wish I will be there for a bit more
but for how much longer can I stay floating without drowning?

art

"Every work of art tells a story. It tells about the sadness, the happiness, the joy, the anger, the need and the love. It lets an artist write his story and it gives the viewer a glimpse into the mind of another human being."
~brian gonzalez

Spanish!...

Veo a mi alrededor
y solo siento que estoy
quiero comprension
pues sin rumbo voy

Escucho de la maravillas
escucho de los milagros
pero veo mi vida
muy vacia y sin logros

Solo quiero escuchar
te amo hijo mio ven
Solo queiro sentir
que a mi lado tu estas

Ven ami Oh Dios
Dame de tu sanidad
ven mi salvador
yo quiero salvo ser hoy

Muchas veces he escuchado
que contigo no hay soledad
yo queiro probar esto
y sentir de tu bondad

Por eso hoy te pido que vengas a mi
yo quiero mas de eso
quiero que vengas a mi
me des un abrazo y un beso

old...

today i decided to post something I wrote a while back... i guess that it kinda summarizes the start of the semester...


Today i felt the world would dissapear
it was an ackarwd feeling, i had never felt it before
i felt small, yet big in the middle of a forest, sourounded by noise
Loud abnoxious noise, it was thrilling, yet i was trembling
some would call it fear, i called it excitement

Today it felt like i was falling into the abyss
i should have yelled, screamed, but i didn't
there was no need to, i did not panicked
i just let myself go, i tried to enjoy the ride
i am still trying, the ride is not over,
the outcome is not here, it's there, but not here

untitled

I closed my eyes,
I fell asleep
and then I suddenly found
myself in another world.

Your presence I could sense.
The wind carried a message,
it told me of how distant you where.

I longed for your touch,
I longed for your smell.

The wind suddenly took hold of me,
and it cooed me to sleep.

Once again I woke up,
this time a familiar place,
the local cathedral,
and there you where at the altar.

I saw you and I started to run towards you,
every time I took a step forwards the aisle would lengthen,
and farther and farther away from you I found myself.

Tears rolled down my eyes, and I yelled your name;
you took no notice.

Then you suddenly turned towards me, your eyes where closed,
and I could see that you had been crying.

Your eyes opened and all I saw was white.

Blood started pouring from the ceiling,
it covered my whole body until i could see no more,
and there i stood, motionless and emotionless.

the picture of a boy

There he is again
sitting and staring.
He can't find a meaning,
he can't see the reason.

The chair brown and old,
the desk rusty and gray;
yet, he sits as if brought from heaven,
trying to give life a meaning.

He himself cannot see the meaning.
His gaze, his sight, in it there is no life.
The paper he holds tears in his hands;
the ink splatters on the floor.

The beautiful drawing is ruined,
the heavenly face is deformed.
He now falls on the floor.
Is he dead or alive? I shall never know.

psychedelic rainbows

many colors, no emotion,
not enough soul,
one being

rain drops fall, sun shines,
rainbows form,
no gold

dark room, one light,
one chair, all alone,
there I sit

people all around,
one soul, no love,
there I stand

one beauty, all I see,
it's enough, not for me,
psychedelic rainbows

do u ever feel like crying?

do u ever just feel like crying?
there is not a real reason, but i always do
my heart beats softly, very, very softly
and then it accelerates, then it starts slowing down again.
My heart almost feels like it can pop out,
and at the same time i don't feel it there at all.

I don't know why i want to cry,
yet my eyes feel teary,
nothing comes out,
because in reality they are dry.

My throat feels like im drowning
i think that I cant breath,
but i know that i can breath under water,
but i dont want to.

my body feels weak, but i know its strong
i am still holding myself up,
and i can also feel the strength in every part.

my head feels light, but full of water
its like my brain its floating in the middle of it all
and my thoughts are incoherent but very understandable
and i dont know what i feel, but deep down i know exactly what it is.

batman...

It so funny and so weird how a movie can make u think... lol So i saw batman today (dont tell my parents i go to the theater!!!) it was a really really good movie i recommend everyone except little kids to watch it! well the point is that the movie made me think... and i wont spoil it so maybe ull get my trian of thought once u watch it... but how amazing is God that he became whatever we needed him to be to be saved... he became human and he died for us... and he always trusted that there is good in all of us, and while some of us may be ready to kill and die for that person that is making our lives miserable... he trust that we at the end will make the right decision...

And then i went to think... we as Adventist believe in the persecution... of all christians in the end of times.. and well we believe that some of us may have to go throught torture and become martyrs... and we all know that our faith will be tested.... and lets be serious.. we all like to believe that at the end we will become martyrs if the situation arises and that we will be pledging for Jesus... but does that really matter... have we ever thought about what really matters... ?

What matters is the fact that yes given the situation of life and death we will vouch for God, but what about now... that life is good, fine and dandy... are u vouching for God??

Happy sabbath/saturday! to everyone! anywho well its been a long week, but a good one.. everything in my life i feel is kinda undercontrol, at least what mattered the most to me, my emotions! so yay for that!

so my birthday is soooo not far away and i have decided to start a new thing, i want to see if everyday for the next year i take a picture, and by my birthday next time i should have aroun 365 pics of everyday.... but for that ill need a small camera i dont want to be carrying my huge NIKON D8O mwahahahaha...

so u think its a good idea... i figure since i love photography and i want to get better, taking a pic each day, as lame as the pic is is going to help me get better, and also it'll work as a diary kinda of a thing, i may post it here... everyday a new pic... i may not... im still trying to figure out where to do it... i could do it in fotolog but that would require too much energy, i could do it in my deviantart but then that makes me lazy, maybe ill do it in my facebook thats a good idea, or maybe on my flickr or deviantart but those two i want to keep for more "serious" pics, more edited ones cause these pics are going to be raw pics no fixing them or anything... meh... we shall see... or maybe if i do fix them itll be kind of a polaroid effect... i figure that everyday is worth remembering and what better way to do it than by a pic....

after each month i plan to print each pic and start an album wiht a little description under each pic so im excited! hopefully i wont be that lazy! lol

ALso a shout out to my only fan! Dania! hahahaha

brian

buy me a river...

buy me a river so that i can cry
so that all my tears can be washed away
tears for a long lost love

buy me a river so that i can extinguish
extinguish the fire that burns inside
a fire for a long lost love

buy me a river so that i can drown
so that i can drown all my sorrows
sorrows for a long lost love

buy me a river so that i can swim
swim to a new coast
a new coast for a new love

4th of july

happy 4th of july, originally uploaded by october rain.

So today is the 4th! its been a fun day! here is this awesome pic that i found on flickr! very patriotic... seriously i am really thankful to the US for the great oportunities it has given me!

Happy birthday USA!

...

tears roll down my cheeks
its all to big to explain
i do not know the why or the how
but it all just start rushing through

i think of all my frustrations and my failures
i think of all my insecurities and defects
and no where can i find a good thing in me
i know its somewhere there but i do not see

it feels like Im all alone
in a room with no room to breath
in a room as dark as a cave
as deep as bottomless pit

everything seems to go wrong
lifes drawing seems incomplete
and i feel empty
all i want to do is cry, cry cry

is there any hope out there?
am i all alone?
or is all this just a pigment of my imagination?
if so how can i get out of this made up world?

sin titulo

Tu cara
tu sonrisa
tu olor
no me dejan dormir
he tratado y tratado
y no te puedo olvidar.

Cada dia
llueve en mi ser
cada dia mas
las ventanas de mi ser
dejan caer gotas y gotas

Me ahogo
y nadie me rescata,
trato de nadar
pero el peso
de mi tristeza me hunde mas.

Mi corazon roto esta
lo parcho cada dia
y no se cuando llegara el dia
en el que tantos pedazos habra
que ya mas no podre.