a year in retrospective

As this year comes to an end I have been contemplating back and seeing all the wonderful things that have happened. In retrospect this year has been amazing. I have ended the year feeling confident and happy with who I am. I have hopes and dreams that I know that with hard work and a little bit of luck I will be able to accomplish. I am happy with the man I am turning to be and with the cards that life has dealt me.

This year started in an interesting note. While I was in a relationship I knew that my relationship was bound to fail. Sure enough in the midst of preparing for my first solo recital (I had one before but it was with someone else, this recital was only featuring me) my boyfriend and I decided to end our relationship. It was a hard moment in my life. My parents had found out about my relationship earlier in the year and they were in shock. They had finally realized that my so called phase was not a phase at all and me being gay was a reality.

It was a hard beginning to a wonderful year. I managed to give my recital in which I believe I did a wonderful job and I had fun doing it. My parents decided to accept me for who I was. They still love me and I guess that now as a family we decide to ignore the problem and not mention it. Unfortunately I fell into a small depression realizing that I had fallen in love with the boy whom I just had broken up with. After much flirting and fighting and loving we managed to put our differences apart and love each other. Needless to say I am back with this wonderful boy who loves me for me.

Fortunately for me my personal life has been wonderful. We have had our ups and downs but we have managed to pass through them and keep on loving each other. My parents are not in on the news. I am afraid of telling them. I don't want to break their heart even more but I realize that eventually they are going to have to deal with it and love me.

I am also amazed with the wonderful things that my career has brought me. This year I was fortunate enough to be accepted into two different summer music programs in Europe and I choose the one that I felt fit my needs better. I ended up going to Salzburg, Austria. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I lived in Salzburg for a month and I got to work with wonderful musicians and to meet many colleagues that I am sure are destined for greatness. I grew there both as a person and as a musician.

This year I also started my last year in college. I am amazed that in a semester I will be done with my Bachelor's degree. My whole life I have been working towards a degree and now I am even applying to be accepted in to a Master's program. I am very thankful because all the hard work and studying is paying off. I also managed to finish my Associates degree in graphic design this December.

To make my semester even better I was chosen to be one of the soloist in this year's School of Music Christmas program. We performed Bach's Magnificat. It was a wonderful experience to be able to perform with the orchestra. I also just received the wonderful news that I got call-backs to go do two live auditions in Boston for a master's program. I am excited and very nervous but I know that if that is my destiny I will end up going there; if not other doors will open.

All-in-all this year has been wonderful. I have grown-up and matured. I am thankful to have many friends that I know love me and accept me. I am thankful for my wonderful family who does everything in their power to help me and my brother out and I am thankful for the wonderful boyfriend who loves me, respects me and cheers me on. I can honestly say that I am a lucky man.

Everyone have a Happy New Year and let's all look forward to a great future.

an ironic musician

This past Saturday I was invited to lead the praise and worship service with my mom and a friend. It was a last minute thing but I gladly agreed. It was nice to fill my old spot back.

One of the songs that we were going to sing is Silent Night, and easy song to harmonize in. The lady singing with us asked me if I wanted to sing the tenor part. I felt a little embarrassed as I told her that it was best if I didn't.

It is very embarrassing to admit that I, Brian Gonzalez, the voice major cannot harmonize. I can read music and harmonize like that but I have never been able to harmonize on the spot. I find this very sad and embarrassing. Every time that I attempt to harmonize people end up telling me to shut up because I am very off tune. I try very hard but I can never sing the harmony in a song.

When I think about this it is very amusing if you are not the one who cannot harmonize. I guess that my downfall as a musician is that I cannot harmonize and I will always have to admit that I am not a real musician.