Wednesday, April 15, 2009
fear and insecurity
It all feels a bit heavy.
I mean in a literal sense it is;
I feel that my thighs belong to a 200 pound man,
that my stomach belongs to a 180 pound man
my muscles belong to a 100 pound boy;
its all very disproportionate.
the sense of shame and guilt
does not let me be happy,
and now i am scared that in my next trip
to the beach i wont be able to function
and my lame excuse that i hate sea animals
will once again keep me from enjoying life.
I should do something about it, you say.
well i think so too, the problem is that in the middle
of all my stress, my depression, and my sense of inferiority
I am not even able to get up from my lazy butt and exercise.
the feeling that people watch, or critique follows me everywhere
it haunts every single moment of the day.
In reality all i need is a bit of toning, and it all scares me
because i do not see it that way. I feel that i should loose at least 15- 20 pounds
that i should stop eating all together. If i were comfortable throwing up i would,
thankfully I am not; and if I stop eating I get the worst headache in the world
and I am not able to function normally during the day.
What should I do with my insecurities and my fears?
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I know what you mean. I don't want to say I know exactly what you mean, or exactly what is going on inside your head...but I have had similar thoughts, and I empathize to the best of my abilities. And I want you to know that you can always talk to me whenever you need to, even if it's at 3 in the morning. So...if you ever need anything at all, just call me, because I love you Brian!
ReplyDeleteI don't know who you are but I
ReplyDeleteIm with you... esa es la canción de Abril.. pero el punto es uqe te quiero mucho y quiero que siempre seamos amigos, ok?? En cuanto al cuerpo, es difícil pero está en nuestras manos...ejercicio, y lo sabes. Te quiero amigo.
ejem.. perdón, Avril Lavigne... en esa parte pensé al leer tu post...
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